The day I nearly met Jonny Buckland from Coldplay

Yesterday I nearly met Coldplay’s guitarist. His name is Jonny Buckland.

I was on my way to a Coldplay charity gig. I got on the jubilee line at Baker Street towards the O2 arena. I sat down and across the carriage from me I saw a man wearing a beanie and looking quite stylish. I thought that’s a coincidence, he looks EXACTLY like Jonny Buckland from Coldplay.

In fact his resemblance was so disconcerting that I couldn’t concentrate on my Guardian. Not even the story about David Cameron wielding his EU veto. Surely it was impossible for Jonny Buckland to be travelling to a Coldplay concert on the tube.

As time passed, I became more and more convinced. But it takes a more courageous man than me to say:

“Hey, how’s it going? Aren’t you Jonny Buckland from Coldplay?”

“Don’t be ridiculous mate. If I was in the world’s biggest band would I be travelling on the tube? I mean there are no guarantees the jubilee line would even get me there on time.”

So I just stared at him. And what’s more, everyone was so busy doing their own thing, they didn’t seem to notice him.

When we arrived at Greenwich, I had to be sure it was Jonny Buckland. I followed him out of the carriage. On the platform he gave his bearded friend a knowing look as if to say, ‘I’m going to get away with this’.

But I was on to him. He pulled his scarf over his face and made his way to the exit. I followed him up the first escalator. I followed him up the second escalator. I followed him along the walkway to the O2, where he loitered outside away from the crowds.

He made a phone call. Seconds later, someone came out to meet him. I followed them inside. He was promptly taken round the back through the VIP entrance. That was all the proof I needed. It was definitely Jonny Buckland. It was definitely Jonny Buckland that I had sat across from on the tube for 30 minutes. It was definitely Jonny Buckland that I followed off the tube, up the escalator and towards the O2. And it was definitely Jonny Buckland that I had failed to take my once in a life time chance to say hello too.

I don't know why famous people would get freaked out by their fans.

Nevermind. Coldplay were good. I like their new songs.

Time to go Sepp

Reading the Guardian over a fish finger sandwich on my day off, I came across a story analysing the reaction to Sepp Blatter’s absurd suggestion that racist abuse in football should be settled with a ‘handshake’ and is all part of the game.

Sepp has been on borrowed time for a while now and has probably sealed his fate this time. But it's such a gaffe that he has also given politicians the world over fertile ground for a statement. You know you're in trouble when that happens…

Think of a subject to talk about that will connect with the average man….football

Think of a topic the majority of normal people will agree with…condemnation of someone who is accepting of racism

According to Owen Gibson's story in the Guardian:

“David Cameron last night backed Robertson’s call for Blatter to resign, describing Blatter’s claims that racism on the pitch is not a problem as “appalling”, adding that there was “no time for complacency” when it came to stamping it out.”

And

“Ed Miliband, the labour leader, said: “I think Sepp Blatter’s comments are a disgrace, frankly, and I think football needs new leadership. I don’t think he has shown in the remarks he has made recently, or indeed his record, that he can provide that leadership for world football.”

Time to get your coat Sepp.

A vision of better world part 2

Earlier this year, I said that a match.com advert was a vision for a better world - the one where two random people spring into song in an old antiques shop. Well, manipulative advertising has done it again - this John Lewis Christmas ad is possibly the purest thing I have ever seen:

This is the world I want to live in.

I thought that my satisfaction peaked at watching it. But then I sent it on Skype to a special friend on the other side of the world who was having a particularly bad day. Watching her smile gradually get bigger and a tear roll down her face as she watched it was the highlight of my day.

The resurrection of seminal Manchester pop group the Stone Roses

I love the Stone Roses. I have done ever since I started listening to their Greatest Hits on the bus on my way to work in an ice cream parlour in Vancouver. In fact I would go as far to say they are my favourite band (along with Oasis and the Beatles). And last week I came a step closer to fulfilling the dream of seeing them play live.

Music doesn’t excite me as much as it used to. It’s sad isn’t it? I think it’s part of getting older. You worry about money, your job, your girlfriend and your ever expanding waste line not helped by that gym you never go too.

I remember counting the days to seeing the Stereophonics at Donnigton Park. I remember creating a mix CD with the best tracks from my first V festival. And I remember my friends and me getting up at the crack of dawn to try and secure Oasis tickets the moment they were released.

Back then, gigs (I always call them concerts, but the sounds a bit Peter Gabriel now) would stay with me for weeks. I would remember the set-list. The words of the front men would go round my head for days. And I would try to learn the songs I heard on the guitar.

But it’s not like that any more. I rarely go to gigs. And even when I do, they don’t stay with me in the same way. The last time I saw Oasis is far less memorable than the first time, even though it was about 8 years later.

The reunion

So, the reunion of the Stone Roses has been refreshing. I first read the rumour in the Daily Mirror on about page 30. But couldn’t quite believe it. Even in the most recent interview I read with John Squire he said he had met Ian Brown for the first time at Mani’s mum’s funeral but was still retired from music and focusing on art. They had all ruled it out for years – “not in this lifetime”.

But by the Tuesday the rumour was too big. I couldn’t wait to see the press conference. What would they look like? What would the chemistry be like? Where has the drummer been all this time?

When I got home in the evening I watched it on YouTube. All 25 minutes of it. They didn’t give much away. But it was worth it for when Ian Brown said: “We’ll do it like last time. We’ll ride it until the wheels come off….and they did, didn’t they?” and when he asked the Daily Mail reporter if he voted Tory.

Getting a ticket was a no-brainer. The anticipation leading up to Friday was intense. I knew I was up against all of Manchester.

The day came. I sat at my desk pretending to work, but was really poised and ready for the tickets being released at 9:30am. As soon as the clock struck 9:29am, I frantically opened up all of the ticket selling websites and started pressing refresh as they literally broke under the demand.

You would have thought they would have figured that problem out by now. After 15 minutes of constant refreshing, my will was broken. They were sold out. Disaster. Disappointment. It was like Knebworth 1996, when I had to go on holiday in Italy instead of go to Oasis’s biggest ever gig.

But unlike Knebworth, this story has a happy ending. I had another look just after 10am. And another date had been added. Without thinking I bought two tickets and this time the website worked. When the confirmation came through on my phone 24 hours later, I gave it a goal scoring fist pump and “YES!”. Stone Roses. Heaton Park. Here I come.

Ride around London

Well it started in disaster.

My good friends Stevie and Kate were willing to give me a lift at 7am in the morning - very kind of them. To get my bike in the back of their car, I had to remove the front wheel. The bike fitted in the back like a glove. All the signs were good so far.

However 45 minutes later, when we were unloading the bike, the clip that connects the wheel to the bike was no where to be seen. We literally emptied the car looking for it. I called Emad, who was asleep, and got him to go outside our front door and search the street for it to see if I had left it behind.

In complete panic, Stevie and I walked to the registration desk – me carrying the bike, him carrying the wheel. We didn’t know what to do apart from cry out for help. We had run out of ideas. The bike repair man couldn’t help, the closest cycle shop wouldn’t open until 11am, and the last group were leaving at any minute. I thought that was it. I was going to have to give up. What would I tell all of the people who had donated? I could feel myself welling up.

Then a saint made himself known, a saint in the form of a mumbling teenage volunteer with long hair and wearing a beanie. He said: “You can have mine off my bike for a tenner if you want? It won’t cost any more than that to replace will it?”

I could have kissed him. Little did he know I would’ve given him £100 for that small piece of metal. This man has a lifetime of good karma stored up as far as I am concerned. Great things are going to happen to him. I mean it was a Sunday, Herne Hill Velodrome isn’t exactly in a metropolis of bike shops and he had lost his primary form of transport. He was going to have to go to some serious inconvenience to get his bike on the road again.

Trying not to think about that too much, I quickly joined the last group, did a lap round the velodrome and set off on my way.

Joining the back of the pack

Feeling relieved I made good pace to start with. The route headed out of London through Croydon and there were quite a few cyclists around. However after about ten miles I came across a sign with two arrows going in two opposite directions. I picked left. I picked wrong.

After about 6-8kms I hadn’t seen any more signs and was in a small village called Whyteleafe. I had clearly taken a wrong turn. By the time I got back on the route 30 minutes later I was well and truly at the back. This meant I spent the whole day playing catch-up.

The first stop was at the top of Box Hill – a long climb that will be used in the Olympic road cycling race. It wasn’t quite as severe as a couple of cliff faces I had to climb in the Isle, but I was still glad of the rest and cup of tea as a reward at the top.

The next 35 miles took me over the North Downs through country roads towards Windsor. This is where I realised I had fallen behind. They were packing up the rest station as soon as I arrived. I wolfed down a chicken sandwich and had about three energy drinks before setting off again.

The final leg

At the third stop at a community centre where they had run out of milk for the tea, I was told to ‘beware of the broom’.

“The broom? Well what’s the broom?” – apparently it’s a well known cycling term

“Yeah it’s a truck that picks up those people that can’t finish. The cut off point is about 5:30pm I think, so don’t stop for too long.”

Well that simply wasn’t an option. I couldn’t not finish. Not after all I had been through, what with the wheel clip and the saint.

Learning of the broom was probably the best thing that could happen to me. I set off with a new sense of purpose and was soon speeding past people. Maybe they didn’t know of the broom. All of the time I was just thinking of how I would stop the broom from sweeping me up if it was to come my way.

Thankfully, I stayed ahead of it and I dare say that the last 28 miles were the fastest part of the ride even with a couple of ‘finish you off hills’ coming in. The final part of the route took me into Lee Valley, ending in Chesunt at the Lee Valley White Water Centre.

I crossed the finish line at about 6pm and was welcomed by my old friend, Dave Boorman, who had coincidently organised the ride. The cycling festival I had been promised was just empty tents and people packing stuff away. I had missed the party, but there was plenty to celebrate after completing 185 miles in a week. I was knackered but elated.

Thank you again

As I write this, my bike rides have raised over £750 for Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research – a phenomenal amount of money. My original target was £370 – £2 for every mile. Although in hindsight that was not very ambitious, we have more than doubled it which has completely exceeded my expectations and made every hill worthwhile. Thank you. So much.

Cycling the Wight

Just in case you’ve missed the gushing Facebook updates of my mother, the news is that I completed the first of my two bike rides in aid of Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research on Sunday (www.justgiving.com/andrew-webster5).

But it wasn’t easy going. I had to battle endless hills, driving rain and a very dodgy cycling outfit to complete the course. However I was spurred on by the fact that I had almost met my fundraising target by the time I set off thanks to some very generous friends.

I set off from East Cowes at 9:45 and headed west towards Ryde through country roads and small villages. The first ten miles passed without incident apart from a wrong turn and a dead end.

However as I headed south, I started to hit some big hills. You could forgive me for thinking there was a typo on the sign below…

The second checkpoint, just short of halfway, was at top of the biggest hill on the route and with my legs shaking and feeling emotionally broken I was pleased to see my family sitting in the car at the top waiting for me. Despite my begging, they refused to take me home, but did offer me a seat in the back to eat my sandwich and some locally made fudge.

Setting off again, the rain began to fall and the wind blew in from the sea. It was pretty miserable for about an hour. As I cycled towards Freshwater though the weather improved slightly and the views out over the sea and white cliffs was pretty spectacular.

However the white cliffs I was admiring, soon became the hills I was climbing and I entered a world of pain once more. This time my strategy was to get in the slip stream of a pro cyclist and just follow their pace up the hill. I continued to do this with each person that overtook me. I was rewarded soon after reaching the summit with a piece of chocolate cake and a cup of tea at the Yarmouth checkpoint.

The last 15 miles from Yarmouth to East Cowes flattened out a bit and I roared towards the finish line with a couple of last minute hills for good measure. Back in East Cowes my family were there to welcome me and I was presented with my medal…can’t you just feel the pride on my face?

I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone who has sponsored me so far. It’s been touching how quickly I have been able to hit my target and every penny has been gratefully received. I'm now preparing for a mammoth 115 mile ride round London. If you’re still planning to donate, the website is www.justgiving.com/andrew-webster5

St Neots making the headlines: part 2

On Saturday, Sarah Burge made history by becoming the most famous person to come out of St Neots after appearing in a double page spread in the Guardian entitled: ‘Does cosmetic surgery help or damage people?’

This follows Sarah’s recent front page story in the Metro entitled: ‘A breast op for my 7th birthday? Thanks, mum, it’s a dream come true’

This time, there is no mention of my hometown – St Neots you clearly need a better PR person.

But I recognised Sarah immediately. She's a face you don't forget. And before I make too many snide comments, she actually came across quite well as she pitted her wits against a Psychotherapist, arguing that cosmetic surgery was good for people with low self-esteem about their body.

"You say people are profiting from it, but you're profiting from it as well. People who are unhappy with themselves, you're sitting here counselling these people and saying, "Look, you don't want to go and have plastic surgery, it's not the right route, it's this that and the other, you've got other issues going on inside there, we're going to try and treat that together." So you've got them coming backwards and forwards, loading up your bank account, so you're quite happy with that as well."

Just, goes to show, that you should never judge a book by its cover, even if it is a rather superficial, Barbie doll looking cover.

Eynesbury Rovers see success again

But this isn’t the only national news coming from St Neots this week. This morning I got an email from my Dad saying:

“Breaking News: Eynesbury Rovers under 11s football team won their first tournament for 11 years - source Chris Evans show, BBC Radio 2.”

I played for Eynesbury Rovers, what must be about 11 years ago. I like to think of myself as a Beckhamesque right winger. What's more, I’m pretty sure we clinched the league in a well fought play-off (I was sub that day, but added my contribution by shouting encouragement from the sideline). Well done to the Rovers.

What a week for St Neots. And they say local news is dead.

Top 10 from the Isle of Wight festival

I went to the Isle of Wight festival at the weekend. But I did it a little differently to yesteryear. Gone were the tents, the band obsession and the craving for alcohol.

Instead this was a mild affair, going home in the evenings, seeing bands I know little about and reading the newspaper during the day. Oh, and the rain. I've never experienced rain quite like it.

So not to forget, I've captured ten top moments, similar to the Metro

1) Kings of Leon: Brilliant band who got the festival off to a great start on the first night. They started with some older heavier stuff too - Four Kicks et al - which was much appreciated.



2) Reading the newspaper: Didn't see much on Saturday, so had a relaxing day lying on the grass reading the newspaper at the Garden Stage. Very nice it was too.



3) Seasick Steve's quirky set and telling his backstory - "Let me tell ya, I'm getting some spare change now." Also Dave Grohl dedicating 'best of you' to Steve after saying he had found out earlier that he had queued up to see his first Nirvana gig in a small bar in Washington state.



4) Who ate all the pies? Check out this queue for pieminster.



5) The £5 footlong hotdog: The best value food on sale. Look at how happy it made me.



6) Jarvis Cocker, his lewd dancing and witty banter: I had decided Pulp were going to be the best of the rest before I went. And they were.



7) Two acoustic sets by Britpop legends Iain Broudie (Lightning Seeds) and Tim Burgess (Charlatans) made all the more beautiful by the torrential rain they performed under.






8) Liam Gallagher's swagger



9)The rain: I have never been to such a wet day at a festival. It was as much about survival as enjoyment.



10) Kasabian: They completely saved a washout Sunday with the best set of the weekend. The perfect festival band - great front man, a funky beat and many a singalong anthem.

Liam Gallagher - still doing it

After seeing this, I questioned whether Liam Gallagher was beginning to sell out. Promoting speakers certainly doesn't fall into the 'cigarettes and alcohol' category.

Kissing his son and wife whilst being shown on the big screen at the Isle of Wight festival, he certainly seemed like the model family man.

But Liam was on fine form yesterday as he marched on to the stage in a union jack coat and belted out the latest Beady Eye tracks in his typical Mancunian snarl. And there was certainly no pandering to Sky Arts HD or similar corporate sensitivities, when he squared up to the crowd and said: "This is being filmed in 3D yeah? I wonder what these bambinos look like in 3D?" before rising two v-signs high into the air....



The most enertaining moment of the festival. Juvenile I know, but 10 years ago I would've said it was very Rock n Roll.

More classic Liam Gallagher moments can be found here on NME.com - 'Liam Gallagher's 60 funniest quotes'

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St Neots: making the headlines

It's not everyday that someone's home town is plastered across the front page of a national newspaper, so it's something to be savoured when it does happen.

I picked up the Metro on the way to work yesterday and started to read the front page splash about a girl being bought a boob job for her 7th birthday. You can imagine my surprise when I read:

"Her mother from St Neots, Cambridgeshire, has spent more than £500,000 on her own surgery so she looks like Barbie"

..."Poppy isn't interested in bouncy castles or pass the parcel, so I splashed out on something more grown up," said her mother, who hosts swinging parties and writes erotic novels.

Well I didn't know St Neots had it in it.



This isn't the first story Metro has run on my hometown this year. I'm sure no one can forget the "Mothers kicked out of council-run playgroup for being British" story. Emma Knightley and Kimberley Wildman were ordered out of Making Links playgroup at St Neots Priory Centre after being told the group was for non-Britons only.

"Roger Owen, administrator for Making Links, claimed the group was not a ‘typical’ playgroup and was funded entirely for women from other nationalities."

The most surprising thing about this to me, was to learn that there were people of other nationalities in St Neots. I don't remember it like that. The closest we had was my mate Paul, whose parents were from Liverpool.

It's said that a home town says a lot about someone. I hope not. I love it all the same though.

London

Quiet, striking and beautiful is how I would describe the scene coming out of the gym next to the office today. It's easy to take for granted the things you see everyday...



ADDITION: I've put it sideways as form of artistic expression.

Letter of complaint to Mr Capello

Dear Mr Capello,

I feel that I have suffered at England's hands for long enough and I now need to voice my concerns.

I understand that you are a distinguished football manager with numerous accolades. I also read that you paid a handsome salary the by FA - one that even eclipses mine. However as a dedicated fan who has followed England through the occasional good times and often bad, I feel you could benefit from some of my advice.

You see, supporting England has become a bit like an unhappy marriage for me. And I am thinking of divorce. The England team have become my disgruntled wife - there are brief flashes of what I once loved (Euro 96), but on the whole I feel bored, frustrated and questioning: "Is this really for me?" What I want from England, Mr Capello, is a mistress. A filthy mistress that sets the pulse racing, that takes risks and isn't afraid to chase a game.



My advice for the pursuit of this mistressesque football comes in the form of common Sunday League cliches:

Be direct - the most frustrating thing about England is the discipline with which we keep the ball. This may sound strange. But the ball just seems to go from side of the pitch to the other, and very rarely near the opposition goal.

That has its place, no doubt. But what I want is for my team to roar out of the blocks and start a game with the intention of scoring three goals in the first ten minutes rather than being careful not to concede one. Please keep the words, "let's keep it tight for the first 20 minutes" out of your team talk, no matter who the opposition. I want the intensity of a mistress not the lethargy of a wife!

Put a foot in - partly to get the ball back, but partly to get the crowd behind you. I don't want anyone getting hurt in football, but I am glad that Paul Scholes never learnt to tackle, I loved watching Paul Ince hit an Italian with the force of rocket and rejoiced over Tony Adams' life saving tackles. If Scott Parker crunches someone in a fair tackle within the first few minutes, 80,000 people at Wembley will cheer. An acceptable bit of filth is often the signal of the exciting things to come.

Play on the break - I'm talking Peter Schmeichal to Ryan Giggs style. Even in the 85th minute yesterday, Joe Hart would take the ball from a corner and then hold on to it whilst everyone got back in position. Theo Walcott and Ashley Young are faster than some of the UK's best Olympians. Launch it to them Joe, and watch them run at their backtracking defenders with the velocity of a speeding bullet. Forget the foreplay, let's get down to business!

A bit of Blackpool - They went down trying to play like Barcelona and their fans went down proud. We've got the two best centre backs in the world, let's trust them and take some risks going forward. Sometimes, we might get caught with our pants down, but at least we'll be having fun in doing so.

I can (dis)honestly say that if England had left the field yesterday, 3-2 losers but had hit the bar seven times in a game that they dominated in a fast and dynamic style, I would feel more satisfied. Settling for draws at Wembley is unacceptable. I was embarrassed when I saw the Swiss fans on the tube coming away from the stadium. Please don't put me in that position again Mr Capello.

One final request, and I think this could be the turning point; please can you pick Michael Owen again? I know he's a bit of a wild card these days, but if there was ever a man who performed for England it was him. Let's give him another chance. He would've finished Bent's chance yesterday in a heart beat.

Please take this as constructive criticism Mr Capello. I genuinely want England to succeed and make the country proud. If you want me to come down and do some work with the lads, then I would certainly consider it for a small fee.

Kind regards,

Andrew Benjamin Webster

Legend would be no overstatement

It's a sad, but celebratory week for football. Sad, because possibly the greatest English player of the last two decades has retired. But celebratory in that we've been been graced with Paul Scholes' consistent brilliance for the best part of twenty years.
As a football crazy kid, I remember when I first came across Paul Scholes. His picture was in a Manchester United magazine with the caption: "Nicky Butt, Youth Team."

Before long he was impossible to confuse. He was in the first team and couldn't stop scoring. Soon after he was being picked for England and unlike many great English players, fulfilled his potential on the international stage for the time he decided to stay there. When asked if Scholes' place was in danger in the lead up to Euro 2004, Sven just laughed and said: "Haha I don't think so. Paul has nothing to worry about." (that is not verbatum).

But Scholes was also a credit to himself, the spirit of Manchester United and to English football; never one to be splashed across the Sun's gossip pages, steering clear of high profile contract negotiations and only rarely giving interviews. A football player with traditional values who never grew so big as to crave media attention. Unlike virtually every other football player of his generation, I've watched him play for hours, but heard him speak for barely minutes.

Rather that wax lyrical for too long (many football pundits have done this far better than I could), I thought I would just share my favourtie Scholes moments (there were four more but I can't find the clips...)

England vs. Tunisia
I remember watching this in the library at school, because the match was during the school day. Scholes was a certainty from the start, whilst Beckham was started on the bench because of questions over his temprament.



England vs. Scotland 1999
On a couple of occasions, Scholes single handedly pulled England over the line. His hatrick against Poland also comes to mind, but his brace in the European Championship has to be one of his strongest England matches

Manchester United vs. Arsenal FA Cup semi-final 2004
I watched Scholes live a few times, but in this semi-final at Villa Park he was absolutely everywhere . I've never seen a player with such an engine. He was box to box and not suprising when he popped up in the penalty box to score the only goal of the game.

Manchester United vs. Barcelona 2008
Later in his career Scholes played deeper and scored far more rarely. However the ones he did score were both spectacular and vital. This winner in the semi-final against Barcelona sticks in the mind along with his winner last season in the Manchester derby in the depths of injury time. For the latter, I was in a pub in Manchester - the roof came off.

Manchester United vs. Manchester City 2010

Give me back the ticket man

Going to the cinema has changed. I don't want to become one of those 'it was better in my day' sort of people as I grow older, but I feel I can no longer suffer in silence in my less than frequent trips to the flicks.

At the heart of my complaint is the welcome you get as you enter.

Everytime I go, the ticket office isn't even open these days Instead, people are left to fend against the 'self service' machine by themselves. Not only is this an annoyance as ques build behind people who struggle to make out which side the screen is on the picture when choosing seats, it also means that you don't meet a cinema employee until 20 metres into the building. What sort of commercial operation runs itself like that?

I mean is it too much to ask for, to walk into a cinema, speak to a real person (including hormonal 16-year-olds), buy my tickets and discuss the best seating strategy. One ticket, with today's prices, would pay that hormonal teenager two hours wages.

Also, when did film viewing become a class based sport? Why have cinemas felt the need to bring in the VIP option for the more wealthy? Right in the middle of the auditoriam yesterday was a section reserved for VIP seating. It essentially equates to a leather seat and slightly more leg room as far as I could make out.

This isn't a flight. Leg room isn't going to be a problem. And if you need to recline during the movie to sleep, you've clearly not made the best film choice. Ed Miliband take note - I no longer want to be the victim of segregation when watching the latest blockbuster.

Acton Vue - please interpret this as an open letter of complaint.

chesil beach 360

I tried to live blog some pictures of the view from a walk round the chesil cove the other day but was defeated by my reception.

As someone in the holiday party said: "if it was a choice between Miami beach and chesil beach, I would pick chesil every time." lovely.

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inspiration in maidenhead

I've just been in a random pub in maidenhead watching my uncle's cover band churn out classics. by the likes of ac/dc. and i saw this poignent message above the door. it's probably the best sign I've ever seen and will be integral to my week.

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A vision of a better future

I’ve found it. The perfect vision of what the world should aspire to be. And it’s come in the form of a TV advert for Match.com.

I don’t say within the arena of love, or as a desperate singleton. No, not me. I’m just pretty sure that we wouldn’t need to bother with any wars or general injustice if people all over the world walked into shops and sprang into an improvised song in which they found no end of common ground.

Unfortunately, as someone who has found himself on a few blind/internet dates over the years I can assure you that the world is not like this. Trust me when I say, none of these have ever started, let alone finished, as happy as composing a piece of music.

It therefore looks like we’re back to international treaties and UN summits as our best mechanism of ensuring world peace. Still, match.com have allowed me to dream.

Putting an end to the "fuck it" mantra

There is a lifestyle that I sometimes fall in to, which this year, I want to avoid. It’s the legacy of student living – an environment I thrived in – rearing its ugly head. I call it the “fuck it” mantra.

The “fuck it” mantra is easy to identify, as with each (non) action I say the words, “fuck it”.

- Alarm goes off at 7am. “Fuck it.” Press snooze.

- Get to the bathroom, no shaving foam. “Fuck it.” Designer stubble.

- Go to the wardrobe, no ironed shirt. “Fuck it.” Wear a jumper.

- Get to the station, season ticket has run out. “Fuck it.” Buy pay as you go.

- Get home, nothing in the fridge. “Fuck it.” Buy a pizza.

- Check post and see letter with big red writing. “Fuck it.” Leave it on the side unopened.

- Take gym kit to work, finish at 6pm. “Fuck it.” Too late.

- Rubbish collection day, bin full. “Fuck it.” Do it next week.

- Text from close friend seeing if I want to meet up. “Fuck it.” Reply later.

- Washing has been in the washing machine for three days. “Fuck it.” Give it a spin.

- Shower head is broken. “Fuck it.” Fix it later.

- Running late. “Fuck it.” Be late.

Goodbye sorry student habits.

P.S – any future employers please read on to aspirations for 2011 – a far better reflection of who I want to be.

Review of 2011

Well, another sorry year on the resolutions front. If I was being very flexible, which I am, then I could say that I have achieved about two out of ten. Atleast I didn’t open the year with a stinking hangover and a hazy memory this year. No my mind was clear as was the sense of failure.

Anyway, as is now custom at this time of the year, here are my resolutions for 2011 and a review of 2010 – a year that will be remembered as consistent rather than spectacular.

Resolutions

1) Return to football and get amazingly fit
2) Get promoted in my job
3) Pass my driving test
4) Learn to cook
5) Perfect the acoustic guitar
6) Break 80
7) Write a book
8) Bring my blog back to life
9) Be there for my family
10) Be on time


1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
- I started driving (lessons)
- I was made redundant
- I had my first (semi) serious football injury

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I set new year’s resolutions every year and every year I fail to achieve them. I suspect I will do the same again this year. However I am going to employ a new strategy. Instead of a blanket attack on them all, I am going to break them up quarterly so I have more of a focus. Q1 is resolution 1, 3, 4.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
- No

4. Did anyone close to you die?
- No.

5. What countries did you visit?
- France, Belgium, The Netherlands, Pakistan. I’m never going back to Amsterdam. Bad things happen there. I’m never going back.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
- Better control over my health and fitness
- More contentment with my performance at work

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- Can’t remember the date, but the day Kraft took over Cadbury was the most significant date as it cut short my career at Cadbury and paved the way for a great move to Blue Rubicon. At first it seemed like the end of the world, but as actually turned out to be a great opportunity.
- Another memorable day, was the day I returned to Pakistan – it was great to revisit a part of my life that I absolutely loved and for it to feel so familiar

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
- Securing my job at Blue Rubicon in combination with three other job offers

9. What was your biggest failure?
- Failure to really make my mark in my new job immediately. Personal - failure to take control of aspects of my life such as money and health and fitness.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
- Seriously damaged my knee playing football. It has disrupted the last 4 months both in terms of sport and at work; a real pain in the arse

11. What was the best thing you bought?
- Probably my laptop. It’s not that I’m in love with my laptop because it’s a bit shit (emad’s fault, I wanted a Mac) but I do use it everyday.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
- Kurt and Nimra for following their convictions and getting married
- Colleagues at Cadbury who fought tooth and nail for a company they truly believed in.

13.Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
- The Lib Dems. It didn’t depress me as such, but I do think that they have put themselves in a hopeless position by going so gung-ho into the coalition at the price of a lot of their manifesto commitments. . I guess it’s easy to forget what you stand for under the lure of power.

14.Where did most of your money go?
- Socialising, clothes, rent. I also invested in driving lessons, however I still haven’t passed my test.

15.What did you get really, really, really excited about?
- Revisiting Pakistan. It was the highlight of the year with many great memories including an epic voyage looking for a camel.

16.What song will always remind you of 2010?
- Frank Turner – Live Fast, Die Young

17.Compared to this time last year,

I. are you happier or sadder?
Happier

II. thinner or fatter?
Fatter – no exercise because of my knee has taken its toll.

III. richer or poorer?
Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
- Cooked. I wish I had cooked more and eaten out less.
- Writing. I’ve really led my standards slip and want to write much more this year.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
- Checking Facebook and my email for the third year running.

20. Did you fall in love in 2010?
- No.

21. How many one-night stands?
- Never any comment on this.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
- No

23. What was the best book you read?
Burnt Shadows - Kamila Shamsie. I’ve literally just finished it this second and it was one of the best books I’ve ever read.

24. What was your greatest musical discovery?
- The Courteeners

25. What did you want and get?
- My job

26. What did you want and not get?
- A pool table. We were monitoring the price on ebay for days, but when it came to putting in our bid we didn’t do it in time. That pool table could have changed our life.

27. What was your favorite film of this year?
- I liked Shutter Island at the time. Wall Street was quite good too. I also went to the premier of ‘The Other Guys’ which was brilliant in hindsight.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
- I turned 27, which I can’t believe every time I say it. Amazingly my friends held a surprise party for me at Chicago Rib Shack. I was expecting a dinner with 2-3 friends as most people said they were busy, at which I was secretly very pissed off. However when I walked in, all the main players were there. It was a great night.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
- The lottery
- The one
- More holidays
- Achieving my resolutions

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
- Sales centric – every 9 out of 10 items I buy is in a sale which is probably evident.
- You could also describe it as ‘Invests a lot for very little return.’

31. What kept you sane?
- My good mate and housemate Emad Nadim. We are comrades in the struggle.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
- I don’t really fancy public figures so always struggle with this question. That one that won Strictly seemed like a nice lady.

33. What political issue stirred you the most?
- Lots of political issues stirred me this year with the election. The most outrageous though is the rise in tuition fees and I have been impressed by the student response (apart from the violence). I wish I could have been a student and got involved myself.

34. Who did you miss?
- The Pakistani family
- Family

35. Who was the best new person you met?
- I’ve met a lot of great people at my new company – it’s great to work in a place that you.
- I also met some great new people in Pakistan (briefly) – Meg Lyons, Fatima, Shazia, Thystere, Nimra

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
- You’ve got to get the basics right to be brilliant.