I’m coming to the end of my days in Sheffield and after completely crippling myself financially my mind has turned to a time when I can sit down, look around and say: “Bloody hell Andrew, you have made it my son.”
And what will that fateful day look like? Well here is an indication...
1) I will have a white Mac book and I will regularly take it to a posh coffee shop, open it up and sit in front of it pretending I am doing something very important whilst drinking a latte.
2) I will stop having haircuts and instead have my hair styled.
3) I will have a gym membership. I will never use the gym, but I won’t bother cancelling the membership because at the end of the day what is £30 a month?
4) I will stop saying ‘a pint of your cheapest lager please barman’.
5) In the winter I will go skiing. I’m not talking about skiing in Bulgaria or on some cheap eastern European mountain. No I am going to a pretentious resort in France or Canada.
6) I will have a big plant, one that requires watering and adds ‘atmosphere’ and ‘vibe’ to my house. I might put it next to my rug (not wicker, as they bring back dark images).
7) I will have a digital radio. Did you know they have a little screen telling you what the song and artist is that is playing? Technology is amazing these days - that's much better than my manual thing with the tuning wheel that if you move quarter of a millimetre you get Grfrsakfdjgkjgldskgdlfksdljgdsslj.
8) I will download music LEGALLY.
9) I will have a subscription for the economist and buy a quality newspaper full price.
10) When I go shopping I will pick things off the shelf regardless of if they are on special offer. I
will also buy extravagances such as cherries and Ribena without a second thought.
11) I will take taxis back from a) the station and b) nightclubs and bars
12) I will own a framed vintage photograph or piece of art.
13) I will pay for the free bus.
14) I will be the person that suggests we split the bill equally between the table and eat and drink accordingly.
15) In my cutlery drawer I will have a peeler, a masher and an ice-cream scoop.
As you can see I am a man full of ambition.
Inspired by two friends who have made it - Aled Owens and Stevie Cameron, and one that never will – Harry Clapham.
