Facebook: My favourite mistake

The newspaper today was boring. It seems that nothing is happening in the world.

But just as I was about to put it down, I found a great opinion piece by Giles Cohen sharing his views on Facebook (and later completely contradicting himself by talking about Twitter).

He said:

“Zuckerberg has impoverished humanity. He has made staying in the new going out. He has emptied the outdoors of real people, hunched one third of the developed world’s population over its laptops 18 hours a day, “poking” each other, and made our streets a no go zone where only rapists and muggers thrive.”

…

It was fun while it lasted, it’s nice for kids. But it has now reduced half a billion adults to the functioning level of 12-year-olds by creating a structure for living that precludes any sort of personal, social or sexual development. Facebook drains human interaction of all suspense and subtlety, imbecilifies everyone who touches it, and has had the global effect of hitting a brain with a brick. Splat. All over. The world has been retarded by Zuckerberg, the Arch Retard, so that he might rule it all.”

Generally, I find Giles a bit annoying in comparison to his sister (who I have a secret crush on), but today he hit upon a pertinent point. I’m acutely aware that people have started to live their life through Facebook and often wonder if this is about to ruin the world.

However, although I admired Giles and his opinion, I can’t quite force myself to agree with it. You see I am one of those people. The fact is, it’s 10pm on a Saturday, Facebook is open and I am writing on my blog. What's more, I'm unashamed to say that I absolutely LOVE Twitter. Thanks for the read though Giles.

a profound man on the train

I was arriving in to Manchester station yesterday and I overheard a man I thought I recognised say: "twitter makes you like people you don't know, Facebook makes you hate the people you do." genius.

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Making the argument for a kitten

Someone at work sent round an email about a friend who was giving away kittens yesterday. I forwarded it on to my housemate, Emad, jokingly saying we should get one.



He agreed. He wanted the one with the white bib and white socks on his feet. And this is how he argued for a new addition to our household:

So I have done a thought exercise.

Pros:
- it won't live as long as tortoises
- it will bring scene
- it will guard the house
- chicks will dig it
- great conversation point. fantastic social currency
- we can dress him up for halloween and he'd win best costume
- we can feed him burgers and pizza
- If we even get a rats infestation...
- We can take him to cross-continental for road trips
- We can start a facebook album
- At least the milk will never go bad..

- ....

Cons:
- We aren't allowed it (we don't like being homeless)
- It needs to be fed (we are poor)
- It will poo and pee all over the place (altho we can punish it)
- Even he might leave us one day (potential for a new low in life!)
- We could step on it (and injure our foot)

I mean the numbers speak for themselves.

I think that is some of the best thinking I have come across all year.

Rooney wins and Man U loses in football farce of the year

With Rooney signing a 5-year contract at the end of a turbulent week for Manchester United, a consensus is building that ‘the right thing happened, albeit in the wrong way – everyone is a winner in the end’

Alan Hansen even said on Match of the Day yesterday: “Manchester United need Wayne Rooney more than Wayne Rooney needs Manchester United.”

That is simply not true. Let’s not forget that Manchester United is one of the biggest and best football club’s in the world and has been winning trophies consistently for three decades. Manchester United doesn’t need any player more than he needs them.

Winners and losers in this sorry saga
Wayne Rooney has won. He has, according to different newspapers, doubled or tripled his salary and potentially got Manchester United to promise him that it will sign top players next summer.

It is the manager’s job to seek those assurances and not a single player’s. What happened? Did David Gill and Manchester United suddenly change its mind and say, ‘yes we agree Wayne, your team mates aren’t good enough and we will sign a load of new players in the summer. Thanks for bringing that to our attention....Can you please sign this now, it should make you the richest 24-year-old in the world?’”

As sad as it is, I don’t imagine it is too far from the truth.

Alex Ferguson, perhaps for the first time, has lost. Yes he has kept his best player. But it is at the expense of the rule that has made him so distinguished as a manager - no player is bigger than the club. The likes of Jaap Stam, Roy Keane and David Beckham have all fallen foul of this and been given a firm hand shake and shown to the door for undermining the club and manager. Their careers were never the same again.

As soon a Rooney publicly said he didn’t want to play for Manchester United and followed that by disrespecting his team mates he should have been given the same treatment regardless of how good he is. Anything different undermines the club’s credibility and heritage.

Roy Keane earlier in the week gave the perfect response which would have been welcome in a Manchester United press conference. “'Don’t worry or lose any sleep over Manchester United. They will be fine. They will be as strong as ever," he said with a confident, wry smile. And they would have been. I just hope this situation doesn’t let anyone forget that.

Forgiving the greatest
The one scenario in which Rooney might have deserved forgiveness is if he actually thought he had made a mistake and damaged an institution bigger and more important than himself. However I don’t genuinely believe this is the case. He’s now on holiday celebrating a pay rise per week that is equivalent to five times my yearly salary and in terms of fan pressure; well Andy Dunn from the NOTW perhaps puts it best:

“...Fan power – or fan intimidation – might have been a factor in the U-turn. Yeah right.

Rooney is from Croxteth, not far from the safari park, where – when asked what might happen if they lions escaped a local councillor replied: “Well, they will just have to take their chances like everyone else.”

If you think him and his family of hard-knocks and accomplished boxers were intimidated by a mob of imported scallies and the latte-swilling locals of leafy Cheshire, I think you’re mistaken.”

More than anything though I am an English football fan and want to see the national side be successful. Rooney is obviously key this. I will forgive, forget and worship Rooney once more as soon as he starts punching in the goals. But it’s a shame he’s undermined British biggest football club and the world’s greatest manager for a pay rise.

Re-living my youth through the Stereophonics

I went to see the Stereophonics play ‘Performance and Cocktails in its entirety’ at Hammersmith Apollo last week. It coincided with the re-launch of that legendary album, along with their first album, ‘Word gets around’.

My journalism tutor once said to me, “It’s amazing how many people think it is great journalism to write pretentious reviews of music using complicated words that make no sense.” So I will refine from that and just say... it was rocking.

As a teenager and in my early twenties I used to spend my life going from gig to gig and festival to festival convinced they were the most profound experiences of my life that would stay with me forever. In recent years, I haven’t felt like this. I now show up to a concert, think ‘that was nice’ and then leave only to forget about it the next day.

But the Stereophonics on Monday did feel like a profound experience that would stay with me, at least for a couple of days. I think it was because it took me back to a more innocent age – my youth.

The Stereophonics defined my music taste when I was growing up, along with Oasis and the Beatles of course. They’re the reason I first picked up a guitar. My first festival was Stereophonics at Donnigton Park and my eighteenth birthday was spent at Stereophionics playing Wembley Arena. I downloaded the B-sides, watched interviews with Kelly Jones and convinced myself he was best friends with Noel Gallagher when they collaborated on Jools Holland.

On Monday I wasn’t jumping around at the front because of a gammy knee and I was there with my mum rather than my rock n’ roll friends, but the Stereophonics playing ‘Performance and Cocktails’ took me back to those glory days. And it was only made more poignant by the video that opened the show and the sad passing of Stuart Cable earlier in the summer.

Anyway, enough of that self indulgent reflection - A thousand trees and Tramps vest were probably the loudest of the night in the first encore! Here is the set list and some photos!

Roll Up & Shine
The Bartender & The Thief
Hurry Up & Wait
Pick A Part That’s New
Just Looking
Half The Lies You Tell Ain’t True
I Wouldn’t Believe Your Radio
Fiddler’s Green
T-Shirt Suntan
Is Yesterday Tomorrow Today?
In My Day
A Minute Longer
Sunny Afternoon
Nice To be Out
She Takes Her Clothes Off
Plastic California
I Stopped To Fill My Car Up

—
A Thousand Trees
More Life In A Tramp’s Vest
Same Size Feet
Too Many Sandwiches
-
Traffic
Maybe Tomorrow
Have A Nice Day
Dakota
Local Boy in the Photograph

The internet is back to waste my time

I moved house and didn’t have the internet for a month. Tragic I know. But it actually turned out to be quite liberating. The laptop was packed away, I spoke more to my housemate and even read a book.

But today the internet is back and immediately reminded me of the time wasting journeys I used to make online.

Whilst on-hold waiting to get my wireless network password, I had the pleasure of listening to a catchy number with the line ‘hey soul sister’.

A simple google search brought up that it was a Train song and easily accesible on YouTube. After that the YouTube brain suggested that I might like to listen to a cover of the song. Usually I wouldn’t bother, but YouTube was right, a cover version would be welcome.



From there I went to the cover artist's Facebook page listened to a few more songs and even looked up how to play ‘hey soul sister’ on the guitar. I then blogged about it.

One song. One hour. How I’ve missed you internet

NoTW - My new guilty pleasure

The ‘News of the World’ is amazing. Why didn’t anyone tell me?

Feeling hungover after our house party this morning, I went to get the paper in preparation for a roast and the football. I picked up the Observer as usual.

But my friend suggested we get something else a little more suited to our current state – the NoTW

I have never read a paper so entertaining. I’m now cursing every Sunday I’ve gone
without it. I’ll never make that mistake again.

Great exclusives
The NoTW splashed today with the exclusive, ‘CROUCH BEDS £800 TEEN HOOKER’.

What a great story. It’s clearly the biggest around, which is probably why the editor gave it 5 pages. And at that length it is nothing short of thorough.

There is even a criminal style map, picking out the landmarks of Crouch’s journey with the hooker from club to hotel room along with some rather saucy pictures. I am glad I know where he withdrew the cash to pay her, and even more thankful I know what the cash machine looks like. I was hanging off every word.

Strong stories
Another exclusive in the NoTW today was CUE ACE HIGGINS’ DAUGHTER REVEALS HIS WILD SECRETS. Another great read. I’ll just pick out a couple of my favourite bits:

She tells how he
- HURLED TVs through windows in front off his terrified kids
- POSTED envelopes stuffed with cash through the letterbox to try and win his family back
- THREATENED to have his children kidnapped
- TRIED to marry her off to a billionaire Dubai sheikh

Lauren says “People called him wild, unpredictable and off-the-wall, but to me, he was just my dad.”

Yeah that is strange that people thought that about him? Doesn’t sound like you saw that side of him at all Lauren?!?!?

“I do find it embarrassing that he blew £4 million gambling. But he loved it. And I am happy he did what made him happy.”

Powerful writing
But this is my favourite. On page 16 there was a picture of ‘The Bill’s Louise Lytten in a bikini.

The intro…

COP a load of these Sunhills.

Absolutely genius. I wish I could pen a line like that. I would be a rich man.

It’s not healthy, intelligent or classy but from now on the News of the World is my guilty pleasure.

N.B - pictures take from newsoftheworld.co.uk

Bank crisis number two

I have been done a wrong people. And as Max Clifford and the News of the World are not interested in my woes I am going to out the perpetrator on my blog followed by eleven people – that’ll teach them.

BARCLAYS BANK I deplore you.

I have been without a bank card for nearly six weeks now. Despite ordering a new one on three separate occasions a new card has not arrived despite assurances it was being sent to my address in London.

I have therefore had to withdraw huge sums over the counter and put Emad Nadim out of pocket on several occasions. I’ve even been caught short on a date, which doesn’t put across the rightful impression of me as a man of wealth and taste.

I thought we had an untrustworthy postman at first who I have been trying to catch in the morning. But it turns out I have an untrustworthy bank.

Today I found out, that due to some error in process, Barclays have been continually sending my card to an address I moved out of 8 years ago. Can you believe it? I have spoken to over ten people about this and only today has the real problem emerged. I was so angry.

As I finished my letter of complaint…

“Over the years you have been only been too quick to impose financial penalties for even the smallest of mistakes I have made as a customer. I only wish I could now impose a penalty on you for your mistakes.”

….just waiting for the public backlash now… Kick up a shit storm eleven followers!

Labour's defeat - A blessing in disguise?

I’ve always been jealous of people that got to hate Thatcher. I remember one of my university lecturers opening up his course with a rant about Thatcher reaching its crescendo with him saying he threw a party on the day of her demise. His main gripe with Thatcher was the poll tax, or as he referred to it, a tax on breathing. He didn’t pay in protest.

You see my whole student experience was ruined by a government for whom I had a decent level of affection.

Really I should have been spending my time wearing Che Guevara t-shirts, listening to Rage against the Machine and not paying unfair taxes, just like my lecturer (one year I didn’t pay the TV license, but that wasn’t based on principle so probably doesn’t count).

Instead I was content with New Labour and merrily went about my business funded by, what I considered, a very reasonable student loan agreement. Damn you compliant establishment

Well now is my chance to make up on lost establishment-hating time. And besides Labour being cast into opposition doesn’t have to mean 18 years of hurt as it once did for many a lucky Labour supporting student.

Touching distance
Although most people probably wouldn’t admit it, part of me was quite surprised and even pleased with Labour’s performance in the election. With 258 seats, Labour are still in touching distance of the Tories.

A year ago I was convinced that Labour was heading for a catastrophe to 1997 proportions. Considering the party tried to implode through various coup attempts and cock-ups, they did pretty well considering the length of time they have been in office.

In 1997 the Conservatives knew it would be ten years before they could even start dreaming of power again. The same can definitely not be said for the Labour party. Even Ed Balls kept his seat!

A coalition bound to fail
As has been pointed out numerous times in the media, the Lib Dems and Conservative party have been at opposite ends of the mainstream British political spectrum for years. With opposite views on Europe, electoral reform and defence I can’t see how the government can sustain itself effectively for five years.

An interesting story in the Guardian today talked about how the communications machine alone is now going to be twice the size with its job to ensure that with each government announcement two sets of people with quite different political beliefs are satisfied.

This also leaves the space for there to be one mainstream opposition party instead of two, giving the Labour party a monopoly on the 'alternative option'.

Re-alignment of the one remaining progressive party
David Miliband is already chucking around this ‘Next Labour’ idea. Fair enough it needs a bit or work, but that’s the spirit Dave, let’s take a new approach and replace some of those old tired faces. A successful political party is as much about how it makes people feel as it is about substance, so some new vibrancy will go a long way to regaining favour with the public.

Here are a few ideas I would like to throw into the pot (based on a trusty thesaurus)…

Newer Labour
Fresh Labour
Contemporary Labour
Brand new Labour
Spanking Labour
Pristine Labour
In mint condition Labour

And my favourite three:
Newborn Labour
Enlightened Labour
Avant-garde Labour

Ed, if you’re reading, then they’re yours.

People voted for change as they inevitably will after 13 years of the same tired faces. But the change they have chosen doesn’t have to last for long. Here is to Spanking Labour – ready to govern within two years.

Panic at the polling station

I am in turmoil. Which way do I vote? I know who I want to win, but I also know who I don’t want to win. This funny old election system means that my heart felt cross could well be wasted in my marginal constituency. I haven’t waited five years to waste my cross.

Listening to my head

I wrote essays at school about tactical voting, but never thought it really existed. Now, if I can square it with my conscience, I might actually vote tactically. The trouble is I don’t know who to trust.

The Daily Mirror has told me today that my constituency is a three-way marginal. A 1.08% swing will see it go to the Tories whilst a 1.37% swing for the Lib Dems will see them take it. I should therefore, according to their advice, vote Labour to withstand the onslaught.

But this is based on figures that are five years old. The Guardian on Saturday told me to vote tactically to stop the Tories and to do this I should vote Lib Dem to keep them out. Based on the polls, there has been a 10% decrease in the support for Labour nationally since 2005 which indicates not such a pretty picture for their 2010 chances in my constituency.

What is more the Lib Dem candidate in my area has put a note through the door (seemingly hand written but identical to the other five that came through the door) telling me it is between them and the Tories. In it he cites the recent council elections which saw Labour poll 10% of the popular vote. In case people like me are a bit slow on the uptake, he has written ‘they can’t win here’ next to the figure.

Following my heart

Voting tactically will mean going against my heart but at least I will be contributing to the outcome I want. But if I do vote tactically, say I have got it wrong and the difference between my preferred candidate winning and not winning is me? I’m not sure I could live with that. Maybe I should just follow Tony’s advice and vote for who I support. Turmoil.

Newspapers at weekends, newspapers are my weekend

I have been reading the Sunday paper for 1:40 minutes now. I am still not past the main section and all I can think about is getting my moneys worth.

It’s the same predicament I find myself in every Saturday and Sunday. There aren’t many things that make me happier than the newspaper. But at £2 it is a commitment that takes time and effort to deliver on, and if I don’t deliver on that commitment I am overtaken by guilt.

The truth is I rarely get to the magazines. For weeks on end they are chucked in the recycling bin still with their plastic films on and still carrying their special offers. I know there is great stuff in there, but I just can’t take it all in. I'm sorry.

I have come to the conclusion that it is irresponsible to buy the Sunday paper just for yourself. It is something that needs to be shared, much like a KFC bargain bucket.

Otherwise you are in an impossible situation. There are things I need to do now, I have given two hours of my time to the newspaper today and two hours yesterday, but I still feel it hasn’t had enough of my attention.

And I know it is not just me who gets a little overwhelmed. The other day on the tube, I saw someone reading a weekend supplement on a Wednesday. A Wednesday!

What I am saying, with no thought on the sustainability of the newspaper industry is, do the Sunday papers need to be so big and expensive?

Just for a week, let me try a £1 newspaper with £1’s worth of content. Then maybe I can get some sleep at night.

Where to dump a broken TV?

When you’ve had a bad week, and rest assured that mine has been bad, what you really need is a genius to come out of an unexpected place to show you the brighter side of life – humour.

And that’s exactly what happened last night when Emad and I were contemplating on what to do with our broken 31 inch TV.

We found a forum posing the question: “Where do I dump my broken TV? Garbage bin? I don't want to harm environment.”

It summed up our predicament accurately and succinctly we thought.

Scrolling down we found the advice we were looking for:

"we've got a canal near us.

i dump stuff in there.

it's already full of things, so i figure it can't hurt any if i dump my rubbish in it - i have to get rid of it!

they have recycling in my area now and it sucks i have to sort out all my rubbish. i don't like that - it's messy.

so i get in my car and take my rubbish to the canal. what's good about that is that the canal washes it downstream so i don need to worry about it when its gone

the enviroment will do fine i think. it has been going for a million years or something like that so i figure it can go on a bit longer

so yeah i would take the tv down to your river near your house and just chuck it in - maybe someone will find it and use spare parts to fix their tv, so its a win win thing

you can always burn it with some petrol and melt it down till its small enuff to fit in your bin. that way you could recycle it really which is good i think"

bb_Matt

Brilliant – I believe they call it holding a mirror up to the world!

P.S To clarify, our TV won't be going in the river.