The English in Tallahassee

Tallahassee is the city of the motor car. Not in an unpleasant way, but more in a practical way.
It doesn’t have a particularly large population at 200,000. But with a limitless amount of space around that city, it has stretched its legs and spread over a huge area.

This means that daily amenities and shops have taken the liberty of having a bit of space. Why not?

The High Street is an alien concept in Tallahassee, so is the city centre. Instead each shop, restaurant and supermarket is an independent site with car park and a large florescent sign that hangs into the road making its existence unmistakable to passing drivers – Burger King, Best Buy, Publix. There are even drive-thru banks meaning there is seldom a need to leave your car.

The roads these shops and banks border aren’t busy as such. But they do have 3-4 lanes going in each direction. In the UK that equates to the biggest motorways in the country. But they don’t feel quite the same here. They have lower speed limits and are split by intermittent cross roads. (I don’t know what’s wrong with a roundabout)? Crossing six lanes to get to KFC isn’t for the faint hearted.

What this adds up to is that pedestrians are a rare sighting -rarer than some of the world’s rarest birds. I went for a 10 mile run yesterday and saw a maximum of seven people on the footpath. Admittedly this was heading out of town (passing a Burger King and McDonalds), but it wasn’t the countryside.

This doesn’t make Tallahassee unpleasant. The roads aren’t particularly busy. It’s green, the skies are blue and it’s quiet. But it does make it a little bit impractical. And the fluorescent lights give it a garish capitalist feel at times.

Eating in Tallahasse
Eating in Tallahasse is a joy. Especially, if like me, you like meat, huge portions and fast food.
We wanted to do the Super Bowl properly. So we tried to order some ribs from Piggy’s Rib Shack before the game. But by 5pm they had already sold out for the evening. So we headed to KFC instead to get some takeaway.

There are lots of questions when you go to KFC in America. Do you want light or dark meat? Do you want original recipe, grilled or extra crispy? What sides do you want?

Also, you don’t get any chips. Instead you get a biscuit. Or what I would call a scone. I have no idea what you’re meant to do with this scone, especially as they don’t give you any jam, clotted cream or tea. They do give you macaroni cheese as a side though, with a yellow Kraft cheese sauce. That’s right up my street.

Tallahassee compliments its food with a rich array of beverage, often served in a ‘thirst buster’ - a 1.5litre cup with straw. We were in the Mall the other day and I wanted a health boost. So I went to buy a smoothie. Just fruity goodness I thought. But when I watched the man behind the counter make it, I noticed a big scoop of white granules being poured into my cup. I racked my brains. But all I could come up with was that this was sugar. Surely not? I decided it was best not to ask, which was difficult as it was sweeter than any raspberries I’ve ever had.

Luckily Jenna has found herself a cooperative supermarket – New Leaf. They care about the community and the food they sell in there. It’s all organic or free range or something similar. But caring so much about the food means they are reluctant to let it go – it costs more than most of the meals that are sold in the florescent light establishments on the side of the road.

The Wildlife of Tallahassee
Tallahassee is located in the inland heart of Florida. This means that nature is on its doorstep.
Just 30 minutes outside of Tallahassee is Wakulla Springs. This Springs is home to some beautiful birds that would never venture as far as the UK and the water is home to alligators, turtles and manatee.

We had a boat tour from a larger than life character with a deep southern accent: “Yesss sir, that there is an alligatorrrr.” He was brilliant and so was the boat ride.

Two hours outside of Tallahassee and you reach the Gulf Coast. After driving through forests for a while you hit the coastal road which looks out over an endless sea horizon scattered with swooping pelicans. They’re my favorite.

We visited St Georges Island, 5-6 miles off the mainland. It has long sandy beaches and is pretty much empty apart from lavish beach houses.

But if you’re thinking you get there by ferry then think again. 5-6 miles over rough sea is no deterrent to building a bridge in America…

“Brad, I know we’ve got all of this space over here in Florida, but how are we going to get across to that small island so we can build on it? Shall we get a ferry over there?”

“No Cody. Don’t be silly. Let’s just fill the see with concrete and build the biggest flyover known to man.”

When comparing this to the UK we came up with the Solent that splits the Isle of Wight from the UK. A bridge across the Solent would be nothing short of savage.

Two worlds collide
The problem with all this nature and all of these roads is that sometimes they collide. And in the case of America this means a collision with a mechanical atrocity called an SUV. I think they have 8 wheels as standard.

Driving back to Tallahassee from the Gulf in the pitch black we suddenly noticed a big black lump on the road with dashes of red. It was a bear. A bear that had clearly just been hit by the car in front.

There was nothing we could do. We just careered over it. It was so big our car left the ground. But miraculously there was no (visible) damage. Sadly, we can’t say the same for the bear.

Can you imagine that? Running over a bear? This place is crazy.